Weakness defined…
weak•ness (ˈwik nɪs)
n.
n.
1. the state or quality of being weak;
lack of strength, firmness, vigor, or the like; feebleness.
2. an inadequate or defective quality, as
in a person's character; slight fault or defect.
We all have weaknesses. That is just an inherent attribute
to being human. Weaknesses, as The Free Dictionary states can be a fault or a
lack of strength. Lack of strength could mean something as literal as not being
able to lift a heavy object to something mental, such is not being able to
solve complex mathematics. Our faults are another story. Our faults in
character are generally based on the decisions we have made. For example, some
may see my cynicism as a fault. I agree to one extent, but on the other side of
it, I strongly disagree with it as a fault. I do not wish to be cynic to the
point of being pessimistic, which is the faulted side of my cynicism. My
cynical sense of humor, on the other hand, is something I do not see as a
weakness. It is something that brings joy to myself in others often times of
need. I do not care to think of making people laugh as a form of weakness. Humor
is a great strength. My point is that weaknesses are very complex creatures and
need to be analyzed with a thorough investigation. Strengths do hold power: the
power to learn and the power to grow.
What are my
weaknesses?
I could fill up pages of weaknesses, as many of us could. I
am choosing to focus on the big things. Through Right Concentration, Right
Mindfulness, and Right Effort, I can hopefully reach Right View and Right
Resolve – to put it in the Way of the Noble Eightfold. My major weaknesses are
(1) my body image, (2) my unhealthy habits, (3) my pessimism, (4) my fear of
death, and (5) lack of presence.
The power of weakness…
Body image is a huge issue that often brings me down, in
both romantic relationships and within my own mind. The first seems to fall
into the second, though. I have seldom been told by a lover that I was “fat” or
“ugly.” My own insecurity in romantic situations makes me feel as though I am
being criticized at all times, when I am probably only being looked upon with
fondness and in love. When a strong attachment between two people forms, one
looks over what others may find as “ugly.” I have never looked at a lover’s
awkward body hair or mole, or extra weight as something that is ugly. It is an
unimportant part on the body, of the mind and soul of someone that I love or
care strongly about. What is inside the shell really is what matters. I have a
difficult time believing someone could look at me in such a deep, affectionate
way. I need to realize that I am beautiful in my own way. My external shell is
unimportant. Ways to fix this point of view is not to avoid a mirror, like I usually
do, but to look at my reflection and let myself know that I am a radiant being
with good qualities which shine outward into the world.
When I refer to my unhealthy habits, I am speaking of actions
in which I chose that cause my body harm. The two biggies are smoking and
overeating. I smoke not only socially, but also as a stress relief. If I correct
my mindset, I will realize that I can still enjoy the company and conversation
of others without putting toxins into my body. I can also teach myself to look
at stressful situations not as stressful, but as objective experiences that can
be dealt with in a proper way. I can conserve my energy to avoid burn out. I can make myself see that it is foolish to
worry about something that has not yet, and may not yet come to be. I can use
positive forms of stress relief to substitute smoking, such as jogging, yoga,
or meditation. As far as overeating, I am currently working hard on this. I have
slip ups, but I am training myself to see food as something that’s sole purpose
is to nourish my body. It is not there to use as a crutch for social
interactions. It is not there to feed my sadness or my boredom. It is not there
to heal any part of my mind. It exists only for my body. Nothing more.
I do admit to having a negative attitude about an over
abundance of stuff when it comes to what is actually going on inside my head. I
have taught myself to encourage other people with positive words and am
learning that this has begun to wear off on me. I just need to continue down
this road and allow myself to control emotions (sadness, anger, frustration),
as well as high expectations with a constructive mindset.
Fears are something I am not quite so sure about at this
time. I have heard that facing your fears is the best way to get over them. I am
not faced with death at personal level on a daily basis. And I have grown
spiritually since the last time I have experienced death, so I am quite sure
that I may look at it differently the next time it does occur. I am cannot be
sure, however, because death is so complex and involves many individuals and
their emotions, not just my own. I will need to be strong, with an open heart
full of compassion and patience. I am not hiding from the thoughts of death anymore.
I am not running from my own mortality, though I do tell everyone that I will
live forever. I do believe that our energy will be ever present in this
universe. So what do I have to be afraid of?
My biggest battle is living for the moment. Sometimes I am
great at it, sometimes I am not. I argue with myself over whether I need to
plan for the future or not. I tell myself that I cannot live from day to day. If
I do that I cannot get anywhere in life. I will never have a family. I will
never reach my dreams doing that. And I am right…to an extent. We do HAVE to
look ahead in our modern society otherwise we may cause ourselves and our loved
ones harm. You would not cross a street without looking first to see if cars
were going to crash into you, correct? We must be prepared for what lies ahead,
but we cannot be so wrapped up in it that it takes us completely out of the
present. I often do this. I am so worried about following a set plan I have
for myself: finish school, get a good job, get a house, have a baby, grow a
garden, do this, do that, bla bla bla. I find myself not enjoying the movie I am
watching with my spouse, because I am too worried about if the rent check will
bounce. I discover I do not enjoy the scenery on a walk due to worries of a
family matter. But the truth is, we need to learn to let go sometimes. I need
to learn to let go. The present moment is what we have. We cannot control
everything that lies ahead and for those things that we can’t, forget about
them, at least for a while and enjoy the fresh air!
Looking at our weaknesses can give us great power. If we can
identify them we can fix them, or at the very least, be aware of them. With
meditation, journaling, and just thinking, we can set ourselves on the right
track to a more positive lifestyle. We can acknowledge that we have faults. We can
realize that some faults are not “our fault” or a “fault” at all. We can
develop a healthy attitude towards ourselves, which in return may cause us to become
healthier in mind, body, and in spirits.
Final thought…
Much love and peace,
Charlie
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